24 Hours

What a difference 24 hours can make....

On Monday I got a call from my midwife telling me that they may have found something on the ultrasound that needed a closer look.

My heart sank.

According to the measurement from the ultrasound, the lateral cerebral ventricles in the baby's brain were mildly enlarged. Meaning, there was potentially some excessive fluid on the brain which could be a major complication. Because of this, we needed to make an appointment to go down to St. George to do a follow-up ultrasound with a perinatologist. My midwife (who I love) was extremely reassuring, and said she felt pretty sure that there was a better chance that nothing was wrong than there was a real problem. She has seen a bit of this lately where they send a patient down for the extra check and they find out there is nothing wrong. She reiterated not to lose sleep over it- there was no rush to get down, we just needed to get in and have another ultrasound.

But really- how do you tell a mom not to worry? Don't lose sleep over it? As my sister said, telling a mom not to worry is like praying for snow in August.

I was so grateful that we were able to get an appointment for the next day. It was a ROUGH wait. Despite the assurances, I was very worried. A completely different kind of anxiety and emotion than I have ever experienced before. Nor do I wish to ever experience again.

A huge THANK YOU to my angel neighbor who watched my three amigos (along with her own 3 children who are the same age as mine) so Jacob and I were able to head down the next morning. I wasn't really sure what to expect. I felt completely in limbo.

To sum it all up, after another thorough ultrasound by the technician and a second look by the perinatologist himself, there is absolutely nothing wrong with our little girl. There never was a problem. He's not quite sure what they were measuring, because they were way off. He left us more than reassured, and Jacob and I walked out of the office as though the weight of the world had been lifted off our shoulders.

Perhaps the Lord wanted me to have a small, tiny glimpse at what some couples go through who learn their baby isn't developing the way it should be- a perspective I could have gained no other way. Perhaps the Lord wanted me again to realize just how much I rely on Him, and should rely on Him. Perhaps it was just one of those fluky things that happens in life.

What have I learned? I have learned even more just how much a mother loves her children from the moment she discovers she is pregnant. I have gained a whole new perspective on pleading in prayer that things will turn out the way I want, yet being willing to allow myself to ask the Lord that His will be done. That is not an easy thing to do. I have learned even more what it means to trust in Him. I have learned that even though I may plead for peace and plead for comfort, I may find myself completely unsure- BUT that is absolutely no indication of a lack of faith nor a lack of guidance from above. I have learned even more that our life may take us down paths we don't expect, yet when we take the Lord on our journey it will take us exactly where we need to be going. That again is not an easy thing to accept. I have learned that all of this is so much easier said than done. In all reality, my 24 hours pales in comparison to those who suffer for days, months, and even years.

Are we completely out of the woods? Definitely not. Anything can happen to any of us at anytime. If anything I've learned once again that life can turn on a dime. But having that experience personally is much different than seeing it second-hand; no matter how close you are to it. We have not experienced the last of our trials, I'm sure, but I pray that no matter what comes my way, I will always remember the Lord has not left me alone. Even if I can't see the next step ahead of me. It's so amazing how I've always known this, but putting it to the test has really changed me.

Jacob and I have realized to an even greater degree how incredibly blessed we are. How important it is that we really cling to one another- in a way that words really can't describe. So does that mean if our child did have excessive fluid on the brain- or any other slew of possible complications for that matter- we wouldn't be blessed? Absolutely not. Perhaps that is the greatest learning experience of all.

And, thanks to a second ultrasound, this most definitely for sure, without a doubt, is a little girl.